Character List (15) – KEEPING
CHRISTMAS WELL
By
Dakota Balmore
_________________________________________________
HEATHER HASTINGS: A 13-year-old professor’s daughter.
QUEEN
PRINCESS VICTORIA: A 15-year-old. The Queen’s eldest
daughter. Nicknamed Vicky.
PRINCE EDWARD: A 14-year-old. The Queen’s eldest son.
Nicknamed Bertie.
PRINCESS ALICE: A 12-year-old. The Queen’s daughter.
PRINCE ALFRED: An 11-year-old. The Queen’s son.
Nicknamed Affie.
PRINCESS HELENA: A 9-year-old. The Queen’s daughter.
Nicknamed Lenchen.
PRINCESS LOUISE: A 7-year-old. The Queen’s daughter.
JULIA: 20s. An Irish castle chambermaid.
MARYANNE: 20s. An Irish castle chambermaid.
JOAN: 12. A Street urchin.
CLETA: 8. A Street urchin.
CHARLES DICKENS: 43. Author of A Christmas Carol.
SETS:
1.
Inside the Queen’s work chambers
2.
In a guest bedroom
3.
On a street in
TIME: Monday morning, December 24, 1855.
PLACE:
SCENE I: A guest bedchamber in
JULIA
In a soft voice.
Maryanne.
MARYANNE is ahead of JULIA bending down low with one hand over her eyes
straining to see across the room. MARYANNE is so tense, that if she were to hold still for a split second, she
would look like a statue cast in flesh-colored bronze. JULIA’S voice grows a
little more intense.
Maryanne.
Maryanne!
MARYANNE
Puts a finger
to her mouth, and turns to JULIA.
Shhhh!
JULIA
Exasperated, she gestures wildly and adds just
enough voice to upgrade her whisper.
I don’t think the bedchamber
door being ajar necessarily means that anyone slipped in here, Maryanne.
MARYANNE
Putting a
finger to her mouth and then thrusting it in JULIA’S face.
Shhhh,
Hush, Julia! I told you I thought
It was just open a little.
The wind did it.
MARYANNE
Don’t
be daft, Julia. Do you know what today is? It is Christmas Eve morning of
eighteen hundred and fifty-five. The day before the twelfth anniversary of the
coming of Mr. Dickens’s three ghosts.
JULIA
Don’t be daft yourself. That
was just a story he made up. Besides, the ghosts did not show up in Queen
MARYANNE
Points toward
the center of the room.
Then
you lead the way to search the bedchamber, me dear Julia.
JULIA
Hesitates.
Maryanne…this
is your doing…and it is your bedchamber to manage. I clean the other side of
the hall in the guest chambers…remember?
MARYANNE
Oh,
all right. But you come and look with me. You should be the one going first,
because you’re the one what doesn’t believe in ghosts.
The two
chambermaids sneak into the room and cross L. toward the hearth. MARYANNE looks
inside the hearth and tries to peer up its chimney. JULIA sneezes. The
sudden noise makes MARYANNE jump. She pulls herself out of the chimney, and,
facing the audience, looks at her hands. We can see that not only are her hands
covered with soot, but so is her face. MARYANNE turns to JULIA and gives her
a shove. They go about searching the bedchambers until JULIA gets bored and
stands at the foot of the bed. MARYANNE is stage L and points off.
I
think I’ll open the curtains.
JULIA
Why?
The sun’s not up yet. What I suggest is that you get to cleaning this room and
let me get to me own side of the guest hall so that I may start cleaning.
MARYANNE
But,
Julia…wasn’t it a full moon last night?
JULIA shakes
her head no.
All
right. I’ll check the chamber pot, and then dusting is all this room should
need.
MARYANNE crosses to the foot of the bed as JULIA
sits on it. She watches MARYANNE as she gets on her knees and reaches under the
bed. Then she grabs MARYANNE by the ribs.
JULIA
Boo!
MARYANNE
About jumps
out of her skin, but manages to omit the smallest of squeals. She rises to her
knees, stares at JULIA, who is trying to squelch her laughter, and then smacks
JULIA’S leg.
What
are you doing? That was not very funny.
JULIA
In a low voice pretending to be a ghost.
“I am
the ghost of Christmas Past?”
JULIA breaks
into controlled laughter. Her giggles are high-pitched and quiet.
You
should have seen your face. You went white as a ghost.
Suddenly, a
form in the bedding rises up behind JULIA as she is bent low laughing. MARYANNE
let’s out a scream, jumps to her feet, and backs away L. pointing at the bed.
JULIA
Sits up and
stares at MARYANNE.
What?
Don’t tell me you believe there really is a ghost in here.
MARYANNE can
only point in fright.
Maryanne.
What on earth is the matter?
MARYANNE
violently shakes her outstretched arm. JULIA turns around, sees the bedding
sitting up on its own, falls to the floor in front of the bed, and lets out a
scream. Scrambling to her feet she runs L. to MARYANNE. Now both are screaming
and pointing. The bed coverings come off revealing HEATHER wearing a formal
ball dress.
MARYANNE
Taking a step
closer, she is still cowering in fear.
W-W-What
manner of ghost are you? You are not one from A Christmas Carol, are
you?
HEATHER
Please
forgive me. I am Heather Hastings. My father is Professor Hastings of
JULIA
Looks
relieved and places her hands on her hips in disgust.
Be
Jesus, girl, you nearly scared a decade of life off us. Now, what is Heather
Hastings doing in
HEATHER
My
father was invited to the Queen’s Christmas Gala Ball.
MARYANNE
You’re
not a ghost then?
HEATHER
No,
ma’am. I am a girl.
JULIA
And
what in St. Michael’s boat are you doing here in the Queen’s guest hall
bedchambers?
HEATHER
The
ball was late. I could not find my father, so…I came in here to lie down. Is
the ball over yet?
MARYANNE
Regaining her
adult attitude.
Over?
Listen to me, Goldilocks, the ball ended six hours ago. The sun is about to
rise on this fine Christmas Eve morning and you should be home with your
father.
JULIA
Crossing to
the bed with MARYANNE right behind her.
Why
did your father not take you home to
HEATHER
I do
not know. May I see Queen
JULIA
You
certainly will not see the Queen. We are going to take you to our superiors,
and they will make the arrangement as to what to do with you. Our jobs are to
clean up the bedchambers before guests arrive for Christmas.
MARYANNE
And
look what you’ve gone and done. Now, I am going to have to change the sheets.
All you did was make more work for me…urchin. Now…shoo! Out of that bed.
MARYANNE
waves her hands as HEATHER climbs out on the S. R. side.
HEATHER
If I
cannot see the Queen, then perhaps you will be good enough to tell me where she
is at this moment.
MARYANNE
Her
Majesty is an early riser. She is probably in her work chambers trying to get
her paper-signing duties out of the way so she can spend some Christmas time
with her eight children.
HEATHER
And
where would that be?
JULIA
What’s
to know? You’re coming with us at any rate.
MARYANNE
Points U. R.
You go
down the hall to the right, down the stairs, then straight ahead to the third
door on the left.
JULIA
Smacks MARYANNE’S hands.
Maryanne,
you’ve got a mouth big enough to swallow Jonah’s whale.
HEATHER darts
off R.
By St.
Michael’s boat…come back here, you little leprechaun!
Both the
women run after HEATHER off R.
Lights out.
SCENE II: The Queen’s work chamber in
QUEEN
Suddenly
putting her pen down.
What
on earth?
HEATHER
Confused, Heather curtseys, bows, and then curtseys
deeply.
Pardon
me, Your Majesty.
QUEEN
Rising, puts
her pen back in the inkwell.
Who
are you, and what are you doing in my working chambers?
HEATHER
I seem
to have lost my father at last night’s gala.
QUEEN
And
who is your father?
HEATHER
He is
Professor Hastings of
QUEEN
Comes around
the front of the desk and waves for HEATHER to come to her. HEATHER begins her
cross to the QUEEN.
Ah,
Professor Hastings. Yes…I invited him to the gala because he wrote such a fine
paper on the current war with
JULIA and
MARYANNE burst into the room from the R., see the Queen, and curtsey low with
bowed heads remaining in that position.
MARYANNE
Begging
the Queen’s pardon, Your Majesty, we were taking the girl to our superiors.
JULIA
Yes,
Your Majesty, it seems the little beast slipped into one of the bedchambers in
the guest hall just so she could see you.
MARYANNE
She
was at the gala last night, Your Majesty.
QUEEN
Takes
HEATHER, turns her around to face the chambermaids, and puts her hands gently
on HEATHER’S shoulders.
Three
things, ladies: you may rise; the girl is not a little beast; and I am fairly
certain I have pieced together what happened.
JULIA
Stands up
straight with MARYANNE.
Sorry,
Your Majesty. We thought you would be furious.
MARYANNE
So,
what happened to the girl?
QUEEN
Her
father came to me fairly early in the evening and begged my forgiveness for
having to leave rather abruptly. It seems that he was expecting the girl’s
brother back from the war in the Crimea in a few weeks, but word came that he
had already landed in
HEATHER
Yes.
My brother was injured rather badly. Do you think his coming early is a sign
that he is mortally wounded?
QUEEN
I
certainly hope not.
Enters R.,
stops, and survey’s the situation before moving to the QUEEN.
At it
early this morning, my love?
QUEEN
If I
am to finish by teatime, then I had better get an early start.
The QUEEN
kisses him on the check as they embrace hurriedly.
You do
want me to spend Christmas Eve with our children?
Indicating
the others in the room.
What
is all this?
QUEEN
Crosses back
to her desk.
It
seems that war with
The Queen
sits.
It is
just as well this local emergency arose. There is a lull in the war as we are
essentially waiting for
Moves to
HEATHER and puts an affectionate hand on her chin.
Oh,
no, my dearest. She is far too beautiful to let go. Let’s keep her. After all
we only have four daughters and could stand to use a fifth princess. What do
you say?
QUEEN
If you
had your way, my sweet, you would make every little girl in
Looking into
HEATHER’S eyes.
So
they all are…and without any help from me.
If we
cannot keep her, then what should we do. Sell her?
HEATHER
Concerned.
Oh,
no, Your Royal Highness. You cannot do that.
QUEEN
Of
course he cannot. There is but one solution. It is forty miles to Lord
Chelmsford house in
HEATHER
That
would be splendid as I have no sisters and only one brother…and Roger is so
much older than I.
QUEEN
Gestures toward MARYANNE and JULIA.
Chambermaids?
On your return I would like you to fetch Miss Drucilla for me. The governess
has something planned with the children this morning and Miss Hastings can join
them.
Allow
me to send her by. I am going in that direction at any rate.
JULIA
Curtseys.
Then
Maryanne and I will be off to the guest chambers to begin our morning cleaning.
QUEEN
Jumps to her
feet.
You
have only just begun?
MARYANNE
Backing away
to the R. with JULIA.
Well…you
see, Your Majesty…the girl…she took all our time, and…
QUEEN
Points to the
R. The Chambermaids turn and run off.
With pleasant surprise.
Liebchen.
Not in front of the common people.
QUEEN
Why
not? I must set a good example.
Kisses the
Queen on the lips lightly.
Oh, my
love, you do an excellent job of that.
HEATHER
Waits for
several seconds and then crosses to the Queen’s desk.
So,
Your Majesty. What is to become of me until I am reunited with my father?
QUEEN
Stops writing
and looks up.
Exactly
as I said. You will spend Christmas with my children. I will send a courier to
both your father in
The Queen
goes back to writing. HEATHER shifts her weight on her feet. Then she crosses
to the S. L. side of the desk and shifts her weight again. She next moves to
the S. R. side, spies some papers balanced precariously on the edge of the desk
and reaches out to straighten them. They fall on the floor. Before HEATHER can
bend over to pick them up, she catches the Queen giving her the evil eye. QUEEN
I
suppose you mean, what is to happen to you this moment.
HEATHER
shakes her head in agreement, and then bends over to pick up the papers.
Well…the
governess to my children, Miss Drucilla Holtzendorf, will come here shortly.
She will explain to you what is to happen and take you to the same guest
bedchamber where you fell asleep. That will be your guest room while you are
here. You can borrow some clothes from Princess Alice. Then Miss Durcilla will
round up the children and send them by to meet you. Now, that explains it all
very well, does it not?
HEATHER
shakes her head yes, and the Queen goes back to writing. HEATHER shifts her
weight on her feet again, and then she starts rocking back and forth on her
heels. After several seconds, the Queen looks harshly up at her. HEATHER stops
rocking and grins at the Queen. After the Queen goes back to writing, HEATHER tries
to strain her neck to see one of the documents in the pile.
HEATHER
Excuse
me, Your Majesty. What is that?
QUEEN
Puts her pen
down, sprinkles a powdery substance on the paper she was writing on, lifts it,
and blows on the paper sending a puff of smoke just past HEATHER.
These
are important government documents, most of which are from Parliament. Now, do
not worry yourself over it.
QUEEN
VICTORIA puts the paper aside, picks up another from a pile on the S. L. side
of the desk, and sets it in front of her. She picks up an arch-shaped blotter,
dabs it in some ink, and then rolls it across the document. She places the
document where she placed the other. HEATHER puts her arms on the desk
supporting her head with her hands and watches in sheer fascination. The Queen
takes another document from a pile and starts to ink the blotter when she looks
up at HEATHER.
HEATHER
Is
that your signature you are stamping on every document?
QUEEN
And
what if it is?
HEATHER
It is
just that…well…I have never seen a Queen work before.
QUEEN
Well,
how many do you know?
HEATHER
Only
you.
QUEEN
I can
assure you that if you have seen one Queen work, then you have seen them all.
HEATHER
Oh,
no. Most Queen’s have Kings. The Kings do the blotting and the Queens…well,
they are just women. But you…you are not a woman.
QUEEN
Unable to
resist a laugh.
I am
not? Well, I suppose my eight children can speak for me on that issue.
HEATHER
Crosses
around the R. of the desk and confronts the Queen directly.
You
know what I mean. You are in charge. And a Queen in charge is more than a
woman. You get to do more than just have babies, inspect public works, and look
regal.
QUEEN
Laughs
heartily, and then opens her arms inviting HEATHER to sit in her lap. HEATHER
does.
Let me
tell you something. Without
HEATHER
You
certainly did your part.
QUEEN
Eight
times I did my part.
HEATHER
No…not
just children. I mean in running
QUEEN
Well,
either he does think so, or you know how to butter your biscuit.
HEATHER
I am
not buttering biscuits. I am telling the truth. I always tell the truth…or else
say nothing at all.
QUEEN
Your
father has taught you well.
HEATHER
Do you
think
QUEEN
One
can never second-guess these matters. The war has been going on since early ‘54.
In just a few more months we will start the third year. I would like to see it
end amicably.
HEATHER
What
is amicably?
QUEEN
On
friendly terms.
HEATHER
We
showed them.
QUEEN
Yes,
we did, but at a terrible cost. We lost thousands of good men, and many were
hurt badly, like your brother. And I can tell you now that had your brother
been badly hurt, he never would have been sent back from the
HEATHER
Oh,
thank you, Your Majesty. That is good news indeed.
QUEEN
I
admire people like your Roger: putting their safety at risk to serve the
crown’s interests. In many ways, I think that makes him a better person than I.
HEATHER
Oh,
no, Your Majesty. That is certainly not true.
QUEEN
It is
the monarchs and heads of states that make the war. Then we send others in to
fight it. One could even say it was cowardly.
HEATHER
Never.
You remember the time your life was in danger? A man jumped out of the crowd
and pointed a gun straight at you.
QUEEN
And as
I recall, I froze in my seat and very nearly lost my bladder. It was
HEATHER
Giggles.
You
are funny, Your Majesty. You seem just like anyone else.
QUEEN
You
have hit on it, Miss Hastings. I am anyone else. Do you know how terrified I
was when I took over the crown of the greatest nation on Earth at the tender
age of seventeen? Why, I walked all round
HEATHER
Do you
think I could ask something of you?
QUEEN
Ponders for a
second.
I must
return to my papers. So, hurry with your request?
HEATHER
Shyly.
Well…father
gives me a big hug every night before I go to bed. And last night…it was such a
fiasco that…
Without
waiting, QUEEN
Lights out.
SCENE III: A guest bedchamber in
HEATHER
Rises.
Hello.
Are you Prince Edward, and do they not call you Bertie?
BERTIE
You had better curtsey before
me.
HEATHER curtseys gracefully.
And never call me Bertie. You
may refer to me as Your Royal Highness.
HEATHER
Crosses C. S. to BERTIE.
It is
so nice to meet you, Your Royal Highness.
BERTIE
Miss Drucilla told me to come
in here and entertain you while she gathers up my brothers and sisters. She
said you misplaced your father. How is that?
HEATHER
He was
called away on the news of my brother’s early return from the war. I was to be
passed off to his friend Lord Chelmsford, but unfortunately, he never got the
word. So…here I am.
BERTIE
Distastefully.
Yes…here
you are.
BERTIE
crosses C. S. L., stops, and points to the bed.
Sit.
HEATHER
I
would just as soon stand.
BERTIE
But I
instructed you to sit.
HEATHER
Nicely.
I
would rather not sit, thank you very much.
BERTIE
Paces a bit.
It has
nothing to do with my being the eldest son and heir to my mother’s throne. Have
you not read the holiest of books?
HEATHER
The
Bible? I have read many parts of it, but never the whole thing.
BERTIE
Crosses to the hearth and looks into the fire.
Therein
lies the problem. It says very plainly in First Corinthians that every man is
the head of every woman; that man was not created for woman’s sake, but woman
for the man’s sake; and that men are the glory of God, whereas a woman is the
glory of man.
HEATHER
Well,
maybe Paul, in his day, did not know how to treat a lady properly.
BERTIE
Turns around and looks at HEATHER.
Nonsense.
Paul was speaking for God. All the men who wrote the Bible were speaking for
God.
HEATHER
Well…I
do not think we should get into that. Many people have their own opinions as to
what Paul…and any of the others really meant.
BERTIE
Crosses C. to face HEATHER.
What
they all meant was what God intended…and that can be only one thing. There is
no other interpretation.
HEATHER
Points to the
bed.
Fine.
Why not sit down and we can have a little jaw over our families.
BERTIE
Do not
tell me what to do? You are a woman.
HEATHER
A girl
actually.
BERTIE
Worse
still. In First Timothy, Paul states quite clearly that a woman should never
give instruction to a man.
HEATHER
Really?
BERTIE
Snotty.
Really.
HEATHER
Where
in Timothy does it state that?
BERTIE
Crosses C. R.
Second
chapter verses eleven through fourteen. It is very clear. And it also states
that a woman should quietly…and I stress quietly…receive instruction from a
man, for in the Garden of Eden it was woman who was deceived and not Adam.
HEATHER
Well…my
father told me to take many things such as that…with salt.
BERTIE
Crosses back to C. S.
If you
defy such divine law then you are the harshest of spices…pepper! You do not
want that, do you?
VICKY
PRINCESS
VICTORIA enters the room from S. R. and crosses to C. S. where BERTIE is
standing. HEATHER moves to the hearth and looks into the fire.
I told
Drucilla I did not want anything to do with the common people. Bertie, how can
she make me do that?
BERTIE
Drucilla
is a commoner, but she is our governess. We have to listen to her, Vicky. She
rules us by indirect divine right.
VICKY
Oh,
all right. I suppose if mama wished it…where is the little bee sting?
BERTIE
gestures towards the hearth. VICKY crosses S. L. to HEATHER.
Hello.
I am Princess Victoria.
HEATHER
Turns and
curtsies low.
Your
Royal Highness. I am honored to meet you. I am Heather Hastings.
VICKY
You
may rise.
VICKY turns
to BERTIE as HEATHER rises.
She
was at the gala last night, was she not?
BERTIE nods.
They
had all those professors there…her father being one among them?
BERTIE nods
again as VICKY turns to HEATHER.
They
are all funny men, the lot of them. I suppose it is the highest achievement
they can obtain. They are all huff and hot air; too much into themselves and
their intellect. I find them quite boring. How can you stand to be the daughter
of one?
HEATHER
Disturbed.
Oh,
Princess Victoria, you must not talk of the common people in that manner. I beg
your pardon, I do not mean to criticize you, but it is not right. They are fine
and decent people who strive to do their best for your mother…and for
VICKY
Huffs out a
quick laugh, turns, and walks C. S. to BERTIE.
Did
you hear that, Bertie? The common…moralizing on the common. No doubt it all
comes out in their favor that way, but it still does not change the fact they
are common and we are royal.
HEATHER
Takes several
steps toward VICKY.
That
is certainly not a very good manner of thinking…even for royalty. If you want
to win the common people, then you should respect them uncommonly.
VICKY
Oh,
posh. Next thing you know you will be quoting Shakespeare.
VICKY turns
to BERTIE.
Bertie,
go and tell Drucilla that I will stay only another few minutes and to hurry up
with fetching our brothers and sisters.
BERTIE
Of
course, Vicky.
BERTIE turns
to go.
HEATHER
Crosses C. S. to VICKY.
Wait
one moment. Prince Edward, how can you go off? Can you not see what has just
happened?
BERTIE
I am
well aware of what happened. My sister asked me to tell Drucilla something.
HEATHER
I beg
to differ, Your Royal Highness, for that is not what happened at all. A
woman…worse still…a girl instructed you in what to do, and you are now
willing to follow those instructions. What of Paul and the Bible?
BERTIE
But
she is my sister…and she did not mean it as an instruction.
VICKY
Huffy.
I most
certainly did. I issue them to you all the time, Bertie. Do not forget that I
am older than you, and you are not yet King.
BERTIE
Vicky…please.
HEATHER
And
here is another thing: how is it that your mother, a woman, can order a
government of all men what to do? Is there not an inconsistency here?
BERTIE
My
mother is the reigning monarch and not a woman.
VICKY
Do not
be ridiculous, Bertie. If she were not a woman then she would not be our mother.
BERTIE
You
know what I mean, Vicky. As the head of state, she is acting as the crown.
There is no gender in the crown.
HEATHER
Then
why is she Queen and not King?
BERTIE
Crosses to
HEATHER backing her toward the hearth.
You
know, little miss know-it-all, you are a lot of trouble. I have a good mind to…
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